A parent’s story of unconditional love and constant advocacy
Claire Walford
Walking alongside a neurodivergent child through and after exploitation
Claire lives in the Southwest and is involved in church leadership. Her son, Thomas (name changed to protect his identity) has autism and, over the years, has attended multiple schools, something that other parents of SEN children will be familiar with. At a young age, he was labelled as “the naughty kid” and Claire had to fight hard to get him an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP). He was eventually diagnosed with “school-based trauma” and given a place at a specialist secondary school. For the first couple of years, this worked well but by year nine Thomas was saying “he didn’t really fit in.” He was looking for a sense of belonging, which wonderfully he found at the local marine cadets’ group. He loved being a part of the group but unfortunately some of the leaders fell out, the group changed and Thomas stopped attending.
Warning signs
Claire and her husband began noticing that Thomas was struggling. She explains: “a few things weren’t adding up. He wasn’t sleeping – sleep had always been a challenge, but this was at another level. He had lost a lot of weight. He was hanging out with different people and resisting going to school. Valuable items were going missing at home. As experienced youth workers, we knew these were telltale signs of grooming and gang involvement.”
“I stood in Thomas’ bedroom and prayed ‘Lord whatever is hidden, please bring it to light. Please show me what is going on.’ As Thomas started telling us some of the things he’d been through, I began to regret that prayer. Thomas had been befriended and groomed by individuals from a criminal organisation and had begun helping to arrange the transportation of substances from across the county.
Neurodivergence and grooming
“There were many reasons why Thomas was particularly susceptible to the lies of the gang. As a young person with school-based trauma and repeated failed school placements, he had a negative view of teachers and people in authority. The gang members picked up on this and encouraged him to reject the rules of the school and support of his parents. They encouraged him that he was “taking control” when, in reality, it was not real control. Some of the lies they told him even had a political slant.
“As a neurodivergent young person, he can be quite impulsive and is quick to copy habits or the behaviour of others. Also, some of the substances he took made him feel calmer and more confident – more ‘normal’. Thomas doesn’t have the ability to think ahead and see the consequences – he lives in the here and now. He doesn’t understand how harmful the drugs are.
“Neurodivergent young people often find large group activities difficult to navigate. Thomas usually looks for one or two people on the edges as he feels safer there. That means he is vulnerable to exploitation as he responds well to the attention of individuals.”
Finding formal support
The fact that Thomas is neurodivergent has also made it difficult to access support: “Everyone has good intentions, but it often hasn’t been the right approach for Thomas. As a neurodivergent young person, any sort of change is difficult and so leaving an exploitative situation takes even longer than it might for other children. Building relationships with support services, who are in authority over him, takes time and support is often rejected. But it doesn’t mean it’s not needed.
“A blanket approach simply won’t work for neurodivergent children. I have had to advocate for Thomas saying ‘this is how he communicates’ or ‘this is what he’s finding difficult at the moment’. In my experience, little things like keeping the same routines can really help. Everything seems chaotic for Thomas but we try to be clear about what is happening each day and have little habits such as his favourite meals each day as these can be very grounding for him. Sometimes face to face communication with him is too difficult – he’s a teenager, going through puberty with lots of hormones plus he’s neurodivergent – so we find different ways to communicate with him, such as sending him text messages, even if he’s just in the room next door. Setbacks are common and it is all part of the healing process.”
A taboo subject at church
Claire got in touch with The Clewer Initiative because she wants to share her story with other parents of neurodivergent children in the hope that they will be alert to the warning signs. She also wants to think about how the church can support families in a similar situation as, when she looked, she couldn’t find any formal support groups for Christian parents.
Claire explains: “It has been absolutely devastating for us, in all areas and for every family member. My friends and church have been lovely, but it feels like a taboo subject, particularly for those involved in Christian leadership. Having a son caught up in child criminal exploitation is not something we talk about in churches. There is a shame that comes with it. I feel like I’ve failed as a parent. It feels unspeakable. But I keep reminding myself - it is messy and complicated, but we’ve done nothing wrong.”
This is such an important message for family members to hear - criminals seek out a young person to exploit them. It is not the child or parents’ fault that the child is groomed into these behaviours. As a minor, they cannot consent to their own abuse - they don't know what they're getting into.
Claire’s story is an important reminder that any child can be targeted and groomed. Thomas lives in a suburb with loving and supportive parents, a church upbringing, and opportunities to go to clubs and develop hobbies. It was entirely unexpected that a criminal organisation would target Thomas for their own gain.
Comfort from God
We asked Claire to share some of the ways she has navigated her son’s county lines involvement as a Christian. She says: “God has been gracious in everything. Prayer is powerful, particularly when we don’t have the words. We can cry out from our hearts and God does answer and equip us to show unconditional love to our children. I have also taken huge comfort from the deeply human side of Jesus – he entered into a broken world and chose to stand alongside those on the margins.
“For my family, we cling to the Jesus of the Beatitudes – the one who shows us a kingdom of unconditional love, dignity and justice. That’s what my son and other neurodivergent children most need to hear – that they are valued, seen and loved.”
As our interview closes, we ask Claire if she has any other advice for people in a similar situation. She remarks:
- Your parental instinct is usually right. Go with it. Have conversations even if you think you’re wrong. Making space to talk might prevent serious harm.
- If you’re worried about your child, speak to people in safeguarding at your school, church or social services. You don’t need to have the full picture.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself – it is so complex and you are not to blame.
- Amid everything, it is easy to forget the joy of raising neurodivergent young people. Try to hold on to the moments of joy too.
- The level of deception that has been planted in Thomas is huge – it will take years to untangle the lies he’s been told.
- We found the website https://talktofrank.com/ very helpful in providing up-to-date information about different drugs and substances – it is a good resource for parents.
If you are the parent of a neurodivergent young person who has been affected by county lines, please get in touch with us (info@clewer.org.uk).
To find out more about county lines, go to https://clewer.org.uk/modern-slavery/forms-of-modern-slavery/county-lines
